


You Don't Know How Lovely You Are

by Valkyrie_of_Valhalla



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, One Shot, Reader-Insert, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:34:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28075536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Valkyrie_of_Valhalla/pseuds/Valkyrie_of_Valhalla
Summary: An eccentric stranger with more to him than meets the eye stops you from committing suicide. Hilarity and fluff ensue.
Relationships: Undertaker (Kuroshitsuji)/Reader
Comments: 8
Kudos: 65





	You Don't Know How Lovely You Are

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning for suicidal thoughts/ideation and depression.  
> I know the title is cheesy AF; titles are hard. Besides, does anyone even read titles anyway?  
> I do not own Black Butler or any of its characters. This is purely a work of fiction.

Your hair whipped around your face in the rough autumn wind as rain pelted your skin. The grey waters of the Thames roiled below you in the storm. You were planning on making that water your grave today. Tears ran down your face and tremors ran through your body as you tried to summon the courage to jump. Just jump, and it would all be over… 

“Pardon me, my lady,” an unfamiliar voice interrupted your thoughts.

You whirled around in surprise, not expecting anyone to approach you. People had a way of ignoring, or even simply failing to notice, things they didn’t want to see. Besides, who would be out for a riverside stroll in this weather?

“C-can I help you, sir?” You replied weakly. As you blinked tears away from your eyes, you got a look at the stranger who had addressed you. He was dressed all in black, from his unusual hat to his boots. Long, silver hair covered much of his face, though you could see that he was grinning. A thick scar began to the left his mouth and extended upwards to the portion of his face that you couldn’t see. Another scar stretched lengthwise across the front of his neck. Your first impression was that he looked like a madman. Then again, you didn’t have much of a right to question the sanity of others.

“I am terribly sorry to intrude, but I promise that I mean you no harm. Actually, I was hoping you could do me a small favor. If you didn’t have other urgent plans, that is.” He glanced in the direction of the Thames.

“O-okay,” you sniffled. Though you still planned to throw yourself into the river, you had decided that you might as well do one favor for a stranger. You would be dead soon, anyway.

“Excellent!” His smile widened and he rubbed his pale hands together with glee. You noticed that his nails were black and abnormally long. “You see, I’m the owner of a…shop… nearby. I like to make my customers laugh to cheer them up. Laughter is such a wonderful thing, don’t you think? It would be sad indeed, if all the laughter were to disappear from the world. Anyway, I just thought of a new joke, and was hoping to try it out on you!”

The man really wasn’t making himself seem any less crazy than you had first perceived. Even so, you decided to humor him. “Let’s hear it, then,” you answered halfheartedly. Your expectations were not high.

The strange man told you his joke. And it was the funniest damn thing you had ever heard. Either that, or you were simply going entirely mad. Either way, you found yourself sinking to the ground, howling with laughter.

The man seemed thrilled. “Oh, fantastic! I had hoped to elicit such a reaction from you! Thank you for your beautiful laughter, it was such a gift to my ears!”

As your laughter subsided, you realized that you were tired. And cold. You shivered and the momentary warmth you had felt in your heart subsided.

“Oh dear, that’s right, you must be chilled to the bone!” He must have noticed your shivering. “Forgive me, I should have offered you my coat from the beginning! So much for being a gentleman.” Hurriedly, he peeled off his black overcoat and held it out for you.

You were struck by this stranger’s kindness. You had only just met, but here he was, offering you his coat in a storm. “Are you sure, sir? Won’t you get cold without it?”

“Don’t worry about me, lass. Please, I insist, t’is the least I can do. But pray tell, will you be able to make it home alright? Do you live nearby?”

Well, the truth was, you didn’t live anywhere. You were homeless, or rather, had run away from home days ago. Of course, you couldn’t tell him that. So, you simply answered, “No, sir, I’m afraid I don’t”. You pulled his coat tightly around yourself and shivered again.

“That settles it, then!” he exclaimed, still smiling. “I can’t leave you out in the cold and the rain. You’re coming with me!” It wasn’t an offer; it was a statement. He extended his arm for you to hold. You took one more glance back at the Thames and shook your head lightly as you wrapped your arm around the stranger’s. You could always come back some other time. For now, this kind stranger was intriguing enough that you decided to live another day.

Wearing the stranger’s coat, you already felt a little warmer, both physically and in your heart. A faint blush crept across your cheeks as you realized that you had never walked together with a man before. Men usually avoided you; they thought you were mad. Now, here you were, walking arm-in-arm with a man who was at least as mad as you.

“Forgive me for sticking my nose where it doesn’t belong, but what was a fine lady like you doing by the Thames in weather like this?” His voice cut into the warm, fuzzy thoughts that had begun to take root in your mind.

Although this man had been kind to you so far, you didn’t really want to tell him the truth. You were afraid that he, too, might turn his back on you if he knew. “I got lost,” you lied.

He turned to face you directly. Though his eyes were still hidden, you felt as if his gaze was boring into your soul. “I see,” he replied simply, but something about the tone of his voice told you that he knew you were lying. Fortunately for you, he let it go and the two of you continued walking.

“May I ask what you were doing out here, sir?” You ventured cautiously, trying to make conversation and learn more about your companion.

His smile returned. “I do enjoy a good stroll in the rain. There’s something rather peaceful about it. And if I happen to meet interesting company along the way, so much the better!” He laughed.

“I’m afraid I’ll disappoint you then. I’m not particularly interesting.”

“Oh, but you have already proven yourself to be quite interesting, my lady. You laughed at my joke, after all.”

“Well, it was quite a good one,”

“See? I knew you were interesting. Not everyone appreciates my sense of humor.”

It wasn’t long before your walk came to an end. He stopped in front of a purple door and pulled out a key. “Well, here we are, my dear. This is where I live and work. Please do come in out of the rain. I must warn you, though, the atmosphere is not befitting someone as fair as yourself.”

You gazed up at the sign above the door for the first time. It simply said, “Undertaker”. Honestly, you weren’t really surprised; morticians in general had a reputation for being a rather eccentric lot. In fact, you would have been more shocked if he were something like a florist, or a candy maker. In any case, you followed him inside.

“Wait there until I light some lamps, will you? I know it’s rather dark. Don’t worry, I don’t leave the more gruesome aspects of my work out here for people to see. You’ll see a few coffins and a lot of dust, but that’s the worst of it.” He bustled away and soon the room was lit with several small oil lamps, creating a surprisingly cozy ambience.

“Now then,” he said as he returned, hanging his hat on a hook by the door. “You’re rather drenched. This won’t do at all! Would you like to like to bury yourself in some salt? That will dry you right off.”

What? That was perhaps the oddest suggestion you had ever heard. “No thank you, sir.” You shook your head, trying to be polite. “I’m okay. Thank you for the offer though.”

“Well, if you’re sure, my dear.” The undertaker laughed heartily at your response and you wondered if perhaps he had been joking about the salt. “Though I must say, if you’ve never felt all the moisture leave your body as you’ve sat neck-deep in a barrel of salt, you don’t know what you’re missing!” More laughter. You still couldn’t tell whether he was messing with you, or just completely insane. In any case though, he had already been kinder to you than anyone else had ever been, and there was something about him that drew you to him.

“Alright, if you don’t want the salt, let’s at least get you out of that wet coat and into some blankets!”  
You obediently pulled off his black coat and gave it to his outstretched hand. “Thank you, sir, you’re too kind.”

Your host grinned. “Enough with the ‘sir’s! I’m not a nobleman. I’m simply a lowly undertaker.”

“Oh, uh, what should I call you, then?”

He thought for a moment before answering, “You, my dear, may call me Adrian. But only if you promise not to tell anyone my name, or say it front of anyone. I like to keep up the mystery.” He lifted a long, pale finger against his lips in a “shh” gesture.

“Okay, Adrian,” you giggled. “It’s a pleasure to officially meet you.” You extended your hand in greeting. To your surprise, rather than simply shaking your hand, he gently raised it to his lips and planted a light kiss before smiling and letting go. His lips were slightly cold, but soft. You felt a flaming blush spread across your cheeks, which you desperately hoped he didn’t notice.

“And what might your name be, fair lady?” Odd as his demeanor was, he really did have quite a charming smile.

You told him your name, to which he responded, “Ah, a lovely name for a lovely woman. Though I admit, I’ve grown fond of calling you ‘lady’, and ‘dear’, if that’s okay with you.”

“Y-yes, that’s okay…” you felt ready to melt on the spot. No man had ever called you by an affectionate name. ‘Bitch’ and ‘freak’ were more what you were used to. You almost added that he could call you whatever he’d like, but you realized that might sound scandalous.

“Please, my dear, do have a seat and make yourself comfortable.” He led you to a sofa and gestured for you to sit down. As your entire body was quite tired at this point, you happily obliged. He gingerly wrapped a dark blanket over your shoulders. “Would you care for some tea and biscuits?”

“That would be lovely, Adrian,” You smiled, liking the way his name felt on your lips.

“Wonderful, I shall return shortly! Would you like cream or sugar with your tea?”

You told him how you like your tea and he hurried off, humming happily. You leaned against the back of the couch, processing what had transpired. In that time span, you had gone from wanting to kill yourself to being intrigued by an eccentric stranger, and for now, you were cautiously glad that you had hesitated to jump. How ironic it was that your life had been saved by someone who tends to the dead.

Your thoughts drifted to Adrian as you tried to sort out your feelings. Yes, he was quite odd, but so were you. And he was very kind, and there was something strangely endearing about him. You hadn’t even seen the upper half of his face, but you were pretty sure that you fancied him at least a little bit. You guessed that he wasn’t married, as he seemed to live alone. Then again, you thought with a wry smile, women probably weren’t lining up down the street to wed the local undertaker. 

“Tea is ready!” Adrian re-emerged into the sitting room, carrying a tray. He carefully set it on the low wood table before you. “May I sit beside you, my lady?” He gave a slight bow.

“Of course, you may!” You almost couldn’t handle how endearing he was.

Adrian slid onto the couch next to you but maintained a respectful distance. Though you wished he would come closer, you also appreciated his gentlemanly behavior. Too many men would simply get right up in a woman’s face, or even try to touch her without her consent.

You inhaled the pleasant aroma of the tea and took a sip. “Adrian, this is perfect!” you exclaimed. “Exactly the way I like it!”

“I’m happy you like it. I must say, it is quite lovely to see you smile, and to see the color in your cheeks. You looked rather pale when I first saw you.” You blushed again and turned away in embarrassment.

“Oh no, did I offend you? If so, I’m terribly sorry!”

“Uh, um, no, it’s okay. You didn’t offend me. I had to, um, scratch my nose. I turned away because it wasn’t very ladylike.” You knew you were a terrible liar.

Fortunately, Adrian laughed. “You don’t need to hide such things from me. Do I look like the kind of person who cares about what is or isn’t ‘ladylike’?” He picked up a jar from the tray and opened it before holding it out to you. “Biscuit?”

You reached into the jar and pulled out a … bone-shaped biscuit?! Raising your eyebrows, you asked, “Um, are these…dog biscuits?” You knew Adrian was unusual, but did he eat dog biscuits?

“Dog biscuits? Oh goodness me… that is quite funny…” he began to chuckle, which became a full-on guffaw as he pounded the table in his mirth. “Dog biscuits…” After regaining his composure, Adrian finally explained, “No, they are human biscuits. I mean, biscuits for humans. I make them myself. I think the shape is rather clever, don’t you?”

Tentatively, you bit into the biscuit in your hand and were pleasantly surprised. It was crispy on the outside, soft on the inside, and mildly sweet. And was that a hint of almond extract? You closed your eyes as you savored the taste. “I didn’t expect you to be such a good baker!”

“I have many unexpected talents, my dear,” Adrian replied with a chuckle. You blushed again as you wondered exactly what other talents he was referring to. If Adrian had noticed, though, he didn’t comment. He simply took a biscuit for himself and returned the jar to the tray. “Please help yourself if you would like some more.”

The two of you flowed into easy conversation that continued long after the tea and biscuits were gone. He did, in fact, seem to be a man of many talents and interests. His knowledge extended from anatomy to medicine, politics, and even the fine arts. He even claimed to have once been in a production of Shakespeare’s Hamlet, though he wouldn’t tell you which part he had played. When you asked, he simply raised a finger to his smirking lips again and replied, “It’s a secret.”

You, in turn, told him as much about yourself as you were willing to reveal. You talked about your favorite books, your fondest memories, your cherished childhood pet. Eventually, though, exhaustion was catching up to you and your eyelids began to droop. But you didn’t want this night to end. You didn’t want to stop talking to Adrian, and besides that, you had nowhere to go.

“Tired, my dear?” Adrian asked gently, placing a hand on your arm. Damn it, why did he have to be so observant? He may seem like a madman, but he was sharper than he looked. You tried to protest, but he stopped you. “It’s alright, I wouldn’t be kick you out at night. The streets are dangerous for a young woman such as yourself. And the rain hasn’t let up. Please stay here tonight, I can promise that you’ll be safer and more comfortable here.”

“Are-are you sure? I don’t want to burden you.” He had already shown you so much hospitality, and you didn’t want to overstay your welcome.

“Burden?” He laughed. “This is the most fun I’ve had in quite a long time! Most of my visitors are the recently deceased, or their mourning loved ones. It is rare for me to have company as charming as yourself. You aren’t a burden at all! Here, you can sleep in my bed. Don’t worry, you’ll have your privacy – I usually sleep down here in a coffin, anyway.” He stood up and offered his arm.

You weren’t entirely surprised to hear that he slept in a coffin. Though you still worried about burdening him with your presence, it had been days since you slept in a proper bed and you couldn’t resist the temptation. Standing up and taking his arm, you ventured to ask, “Um, is it alright if I bathe first?”

“But of course, my dear. I’ll show you to the washroom.” He led you through a door and up a flight of stairs, before stopping in front of another door. “Here we are. Take as long as you’d like. I’ll leave some clean clothes out for you. I’m afraid everything I own will be too big for you, but you should find it comfortable, at least.” With that, he left you alone to bathe.

You sighed as you sank into the warm water. How could you ever repay Adrian for his kindness? He took you in off the street for the night, fed you, saved your life even. Not that he had to know about the last part. Nonetheless, you worried about what would happen to you after you left Adrian’s residence. You knew you couldn’t stay here forever, but you wished you could. Tears welled up in your eyes as you thought about being out on the street again tomorrow. But you shook your head; you didn’t want to be any more of a bother to Adrian than you already were. You could cry after you left.

After finishing your bath, you carefully opened the washroom door, remembering that he had said he would leave clothes for you. Fortunately, the man himself was nowhere to be seen, true to his word about respecting your privacy. You spotted a pile of clothes on the floor just outside the door and grabbed them. As you expected, they were all black. Did he ever wear any other color? Not that it mattered, as you thought black suited him well. In any case, Adrian was right: his clothes were way too large for you, but they were, in fact, quite comfortable. Fully dressed, you wandered back down the stairs to inquire about the location of the bedroom.

Opening the door into the sitting room of his shop, you saw only a spot of candlelight in a sea of darkness. As your eyes adjusted, you were able to identify Adrian sitting in a chair, his back toward you. He appeared to be reading by the candlelight.

“Adrian?” you asked shyly, not wanting to disturb him.

“Ah, I thought I felt your presence nearby,” he chuckled, removing a pair of glasses and sweeping the hair back into his face before turning towards you. “Was your bath satisfactory?” You couldn’t help but wonder why he seemed so adamant about keeping the upper half of his face hidden, but it felt rude to ask.

“It was lovely, thank you. I’m terribly sorry to bother you, but I just realized that I hadn’t asked you to show me where I’ll be sleeping. I didn’t think it polite to go about opening all the doors in my host’s home, after all.”

Adrian rose from his chair and carried the candle with him as he walked over to you. “I must say, darling, my clothes look lovely on you!” He grinned. You hoped he couldn’t see your blush. “Come, let me show you to your bed.” He led you back up the stairs and through a different door. “I hope you will find it comfortable, my dear. Can I get anything else for you before bidding you goodnight?”

“No thank you, I can ask for nothing else.”

“No need to sound so formal!” Adrian laughed. “In any case, if you have everything you need, then I should be a proper gentleman and leave you to your rest. Sweet dreams, my dear.” He reached for your hand and you gave it to him. Just like before, he softly kissed your hand before letting go, turning away, and closing the door behind him. Your heart fluttered and part of you wished that he wouldn’t be such a proper gentleman.

Yawning, you climbed into bed, drew up the covers, and quickly fell asleep.

***

“Shh, it’s alright, my dear,” A calm, familiar voice cut through your dreams and you felt a hand gently rubbing your back. “It’s okay, you’re safe.”

You opened your eyes and realized you had been sobbing. The person attempting to comfort you was, of course, Adrian. Embarrassed, you swallowed your tears and struggled to calm down as you sat up.

“It seems you were having a nightmare,” Adrian had ceased rubbing your back, but his hand remained protectively on your shoulder. “Do you want to talk about it?”

As much as you didn’t want Adrian to think you were weak, or worse, hysterical, you were also desperate to confide in someone. And you felt that if anyone would listen and perhaps even understand, it would be him. “Yes,” you muttered weakly, averting your eyes in shame.

With his other hand, Adrian reached out and grabbed your chin, turning your face towards his. The gesture was gentle, but firm, and sent a shiver down your spine. There was no hint of a smile on his face now. “Does it have anything to do with the reason you were out by the river when I met you?”

Your eyes widened. Did he know? As before, though you couldn’t see his eyes, you felt like his gaze was piercing right through you. No use lying now. Looking at him directly where you assumed his eyes were, you answered, “I was going to kill myself.”

“I know.” His voice was uncharacteristically quiet. His finger and thumb were still beneath your chin.

“Did you save me on purpose?” You breathed, voice shaking.

“Yes.”

“Why? No one has ever cared whether I lived or died. Why go out of your way for a stranger?”

The question seemed to have caught him off guard. His hand dropped away from your face and now, it was his turn to look away. “Because I once tried to do the same thing. Different method, but same purpose. I didn’t want that to happen to you.”

Your mouth hung open in shock. “I’m… I’m so sorry, Adrian. I didn’t know.” What else could you say? This seemingly cheerful man who loved laughter had tried to kill himself?! You wondered if that was where his scars came from, and why he hid his face.  
“It’s alright, my dear,” Adrian smiled tenderly, but his voice carried a hint of sadness. “You could not have known.” His face turned back toward you and he offered a pale hand, which you graciously took. His long fingers wrapped around yours. “Would you like to tell me what troubles you? You don’t have to, of course. It’s none of my business, after all. But I assure you that you can confide in me, without fear of judgement.”

“They all say I’m mad, that I’m afflicted with melancholia,” you began with a sigh. “I was never normal, even as a little girl. There’s always been something wrong with me.” Tears welled up in your eyes again. “My parents couldn’t marry me off because no one wants a mad girl. They tried everything, exorcism, blood-letting, they even took me to a doctor for hysteria treatment…” Adrian frowned but remained silent, waiting for you to finish. You couldn’t hold back your tears as the memories flooded through you, but you tried to continue, “eventually my p-parents g-gave up.” You sniffled. “They decided I got too old to marry off, so they were going to leave me at a m-madhouse. I’ve heard that terrible things happen there, so I- I- I… ran away…” With that, you began sobbing all over again.

“Come here,” Adrian gently pulled you into an embrace, holding you tightly as you bawled your eyes out in his arms. “You’ve been through so much, my dear. People have treated you with such cruelty. But you’re okay now, no one will ever hurt you again. I’ll see to that.” He stroked your hair, which helped calm you down. You don’t know how much time had passed in his arms, but for once, you felt safe. Happy, even.

When you felt able to speak again, the first thing you thought to say was, “I’m sorry about that. I didn’t mean to get hysterical on you. It’s just that you’re the first one who has ever treated me like a normal person. But you probably think I’m mad, too.”

Carefully wiping a tear away from your eye with a long fingernail, Adrian replied, “I’m going to let you in on a little secret, my dear. ‘Normal’ people don’t exist. There is no such thing. Everyone is at least a little bit mad. Some are better at hiding it than others.” He began absentmindedly braiding your hair. “But people like you and- and I, we’re braver than they are. We don’t hide behind the façade of some arbitrary standard of normalcy. And that scares the people who do, because it reminds them that they’re living a lie.”

“Thank you, Adrian,” you gave him a weak smile. “I’m…I’m so happy I met you.”

“And I, you, my dear,” he answered with warmth in his voice. “It’s wonderful to see you smile again.” Cautiously, questioningly, he brought his hand to your cheek and held it there, making your heart race. “Forgive me if this seems too forward, but…you are truly lovely, even if you don’t see it.” His hand trailed slowly down your cheek. 

You wanted to believe him, but…”How can you even see with your hair in your face? Do you even know what I look like?” It came out more accusatory than you had intended, and now you hoped he wouldn’t take offense.

Instead, he laughed. “There are more ways to see than with the eyes, my dear. And I can see that you are beautiful, inside and out. But if you insist…” With a single hand, he finally swept the hair away from his face. And you were not prepared for the sight.

You had expected that the upper half of his face had been disfigured, either by accident, by his suicide attempt, or perhaps from birth. But he had the face of an angel. The long scar across his face did nothing to detract from his beauty. And his eyes! They were the greenest, most beautiful eyes you had ever seen! Though you knew it wasn’t polite to stare, you couldn’t stop your mouth from hanging open in shock.

“Do you like the view, my dear?” Adrian chuckled, pleased with your reaction. Before you could answer, he continued, “Now, pardon me, but my physical eyesight is actually quite poor without my glasses, which I’m afraid I have left downstairs. If you want me to see you with my eyes, I’m going to have to get very close. Is that alright with you?”

Your heart was still racing, and you could barely speak. So you simply nodded.

Adrian smiled, and in an instant, his beautiful face was mere centimeters away from your own. He studied you carefully, as if trying to commit every detail to memory. You gazed at each other in a silence filled with intimate tension for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, he smiled, “Just as I said. You, my dear, are very beautiful.” He drew away, but only slightly. “Do you believe me now?”

“Y-yes,” you breathed, mesmerized by him.

“Very good!” he grinned. “But one more thing. Could you close your eyes for me, please?”

Without hesitation, you did as he asked, wondering what he had planned. You felt his hand cup your cheek. The next thing you knew, his soft lips pressed against yours. You stiffened in surprise but quickly melted into the kiss, your hand finding its way into his hair.

“Adrian?” You asked as the kiss broke apart. “Can you stay with me tonight? I don’t want to be alone.”

“Gladly, my dear. You will never have to be alone again.”


End file.
